Cat Discovers Smart Thermostat, Opens In-Home Climate Negotiations Office
After the Hendersons installed a smart thermostat, their tabby Biscuit immediately claimed it as his personal temperature desk and has been issuing nonstop adjustments ever since.
The Hendersons thought a smart thermostat would save them money on heating bills. Their tabby cat, Biscuit, thought it would save him the hassle of relocating to a sunnier spot on the couch. He was right. The Hendersons were wrong.
One Touch and He Knew
It started innocently enough. Gary Henderson was demonstrating the new device to his wife Linda when Biscuit padded over, sniffed the glowing touchscreen, and batted it once. The temperature in the living room climbed from 68 to 74 degrees in twelve seconds.
"He looked at us like he'd just filed a formal request," Linda said. "And honestly, we accepted it."
The Negotiations Begin
By the second day, Biscuit had developed a clear system. Morning adjustments pushed the thermostat to 76 for optimal pre-breakfast loafing. Afternoon dips to 71 coincided with his window-bird-watching shift, which apparently required cooler air for concentration. Evening spikes back to 75 lined up precisely with his post-dinner nap rotation on the heating vent.
Gary attempted to override the settings twice. Both times he returned to find Biscuit sitting directly in front of the screen, tail curled around his paws, staring at the wall behind Gary in a way that strongly implied the discussion was closed.
The Household Adapts
The Hendersons have since reorganized their wardrobe by Biscuit's schedule. Linda keeps a light cardigan on the hook by the door for what the family now calls "the 71 window." Their teenage son Marcus wears shorts at breakfast and a sweatshirt by dinner, which he says is "actually fine, the routine is very predictable."
The family dog, a beagle named Pretzel, has reportedly submitted a counteroffer via sustained eye contact with the front door, but Biscuit has yet to respond.
Current Status
As of this week, the smart thermostat app on Gary's phone shows forty-seven manual adjustments logged under the username "Gary Henderson." Gary made three of them.
The thermostat's energy-usage summary describes the household as "uniquely dynamic." Gary describes it the same way, though he uses a slightly different word after "uniquely."